games are problems that can be solved
in the past two weeks, i discovered/unleashed/sprouted/touted/supported some of the following.
- games are problems that can be solved. hack & slash, dribble & shoot, mass and rush. and the computer AI (artificial intelligence) loses. work. now that is something that is Insoluble...wait wait, i meant Insolvable (big band voice) that one is like yeast rising. it can only expand, cannot contract. problem cannot solve, becos more keeps arriving.
- some people are idiots. if you want to cheat, you cover your damn sorry ass. what's the point of going after the biggest and then realise that you can get caught...and continue?! think pocket accessory for the above context.
- so kids in schools are getting flamed for writing about their teachers. what's next? it is now difficult to express oneself in a public forum without either 1) pissing someone enough to report you 2) realising that 1984 does exist 3) that maybe some people out there are scared of the blogosphere (okay so the last point was kind of duh).
if one is willing to say something in a public forum, one should be prepared for the consequences of one's actions, regardless of whether it be in print, voice or word. hiding behind the wall of supposed justice doesn't mean that the emotion goes away. it simply gets transferred to something/someone else. remember in physics, we have the law of convservation of energy? kids go read your textbooks again.
- Sun Yi (imaginary friend of Confucius) says: Better to be an ant building up a nest than to be a lion, all alone in the vast grassland.
There will always be people who are scared of new things and new concepts. These people are often those in direct line of fire. One day they realise how difficult it is to control an idea, hold back a tide, resist change but will still go down fighting simply because they know no other way to win. Perhaps one day these same people might not be around anymore?
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sorry debbs that you missed the pasar malams & nine west. it is the blardy mooncake festival la! hope you having good time in KL.
YL! have a good trip in aussie and when you finally set up the online store, me will link it to webbie.
couple of quick shots
would like to thank all those who called, sms-ed, emailed as well as left notes for me over the last two weeks. serious people, really appreciate it lots. just to let you folk know, joey's ashes are with me already. freddie, the guy who helped me with the cremation arrangement and all dropped off the urn last week. haven't really decided what i am going to do with the ashes, was going to bury it in my garden but felt that since i am going to move out in the foreseeable future, it wouldn't be the best way. joey would be 'guarding' the wrong garden. so his urn is here with me, on my table, figure that i might find a shelf to put the urn on when i move to my new place.
other things that have been happening the past two weeks ;life goes on, doesn't it?
1) figured that work is becoming therapy. it helps you to focus on stugff that you don't really want to think about, or bother about, especially on a friday night. but chances are, you do. it has helped such that i don't think about joey, but *shrugs* couple of weeks down the road, i hope i don't have to think about work.
2) hopped on down to the opening night of Starlight Cinema this year. it's at the Padang this time round! still as warm and humid but this time round, there wasn't beer in a plastic cup. there is red bull in a cold can. (i should be so lucky). there was this girl doing an accoustic set. MAN, was she Horrible. if smashing her guitar would have stopped her i would. in this case, it was because my client paid for the thing. dang.
3) phins at liang seah street. was there on friday night with tam and blair. lotsa meat, burgers, chicken wings and drinks for three came up to $75. go check it out.
4) received a call from this guy who was representing his client to ask me whether i might be interested in 'exploratory' talks. wouldn't reveal the client nor the company, so i told him to go bugger off. actually, no, i didn't tell him to bugger off. i told him very politely to go get permission from his client to tell me who they are and what they do, then maybe i might consider talking. transparency is the way to go with me.
5) there's a pasar malam at eunos mrt station! what is this thing about pasat malams and the local singaporean? or rather what is this thing with getting cheap stuff and the singaporean mentality. btw, ladies, nine west is having a 50% sale at raffles city shopping centre. go kill your feet!
6)drinks at post bar ain't cheap. i love my company when it comes to treating staff! nuff' said.
Goodbye Joey, you are loved.
Where do I begin?
To tell the story of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love he brings to me
Where do I start?
By Shirley Bassey - Where do i Begin?Hey Joey,
i hope you are doing well where you are. i pray that there's sunshine, playing fields for you to run in, yummy food bits (don't overeat!), rivers of milk and lots of wonderful companions to spend the never-ending day with. remember not to be too grouchy and grummy sometimes, it's always nice to have a smile on. and drink lots of water, you tend to let that slide when you are having fun. water keeps you running boy!
i decided to write you this note, and pray that in God's infinite mercy, it might reach you because i miss you and there are things that although said, i just want to say it once again. you have been and still are greatly loved by us all and keenly missed in this household you once called home. i miss you. i still have to remind myself that it is better the way things are now, at least you aren't in pain anymore. sorry if in the years that have passed us by, for those times that i wasn't a good friend and for those times when i could have been better...but wasn't.
sometimes life throws us a curveball and we find out that change muct occur. some changes are good, othertimes changes will always cause a certain amount of adaptation and discomfort. hope that the change you find yourself in, has been a good one so far.
i was all of 10 years old when i first walked into the SPCA and saw you in the compound. funny enough, i remember how you looked as a puppy, and how within all of 5 minutes you had me hooked on you for the next 15 years. you were so cute then, so small and so energetic, so willing to let a young kid hold you and cuddle you without throwing a tantrum. thank you so much for stumbling into my arms then. i think the way we were in your compound more or less sealed the two of us together, from back then. looking back, i feel so lucky that no other kid's parents decided to visit the SPCA before mine did.
i remember carrying you back home and the other two dogs - hoho & fookfook - had to take some time to get used to you. are they there with you now? are they welcoming you the same way they did 15 years ago? give them a hug for me as well. the two of them would take to growling at you in your first week's cage to make sure that you knew your place but life was great after that. you had a garden and a home, people who love you and free rein both within and without the house. i can still see you as a young dog, resting on the marble steps in the downstairs hall. i will be playing with my stuff and you will be nearby. and somehow, it felt very right that image in my head. that feeling in my gut.
as the years went on, and i grew up, you also grew older. another vivid image i have of you was of one night when i woke up from sleep. i could hear you pacing beneath my window and growling softly. i wasn't sure how i knew it was you, but i knew. we had that bond between us. suddenly you started barking really loudly at my window, with a warning or was it to warn off? in my memory, i recall hearing a scratching of nail on metal that woke me up, but maybe i was wrong. whatever it was, i knew that you were in some ways protecting me as i was looking after you.
you shared my thoughts and fears, feelings and emotions as i whacked my way through those teenage years. sometimes i held back from communicating but you were always around, and it was hard to resist just talking. you always appreciated a cheese snack or a bowl of milk or just a face rub. and i always gave in. thanks for being my figural shoulder and sounding board when i needed one.
time continued to march on, and we suffered a loss together in 2001. we both lost someone we loved greatly, who would take care of us in a different way from how we looked out for each other. is she there with you as well? tell her i love her and still miss her greatly. time passes by but the the heart's emotions do not fade. you were a companion to have in those dark days of 2001. you were one of the reasons i had to grow up even faster after then. too much depended on me to remain a young kid with naive ambitions and worthless goals.
and somehow we walked into 2005, and i found out that your body was giving in to old age and genetically, a health problem had developed with your inability to naturally pass motion due to a hernia. i argued to keep you with us longer, because i wouldn't have forgiven myself if i gave you up because i simply didn't want to put in the time or money or effort in making you comfortable. i made a line that unless you suffer in pain constantly and your quality of life drops to an inhumane level, i would never ever ever let you go...and for awhile, it was working, not perfectly, but clearing your bowels for you weekly, sometimes more sometimes less, made it possible for you to be with us longer. i know you loved life as much as anyone else does, that spark in your eye as you run along the side garden, that zeal to finish all your food(and you ate alot comparatively for a 15 year old)and those moments when you run up to the gate to say 'hello'. i couldn't let you go either.
then came the final blow. those bloody houseflies had managed to pentrate and lay eggs. maggot infection occured. i rushed you to a hospital to clear the maggots. but looking at the wounds, with its location over your anal region, it was heart-shattering. i couldn't bring myself to even contemplate clearing your bowels if i had to reach in and pull out over your wounds. there were so many complications invovled then. what if your wound got infected? would moving a finger over the area cause you pain. in your own way, you answered those doubts, when you flinched at the powder i applied to keep the area dry, the way you struggled when i applied water to clean the area. it wasn't a 'maybe' to me anymore that you were in pain, it was a 'definitely'. i caved in. it was better for you not to suffer then for us all to put us all to live through this every week.
i wanted to let you undergo surgery. and if i was given a positive proposal i would have. but there were too many negatives involved. you might not have woken up from the GA, the walls that are sewn together might split under the rectal pressure, you might have developed liver/kidney failure, post-operational care might leave you a shadow of what you were. it seemed that it would have been a grevious mistake to let you undergo surgery.
so i decided for the other extreme. it wasn't an easy or simple decision. and i pray that you understand. in those final moments, i was so worried that you were confused, that you felt lost. i remember you taking a final look around, at the room, at my dad and at me, before you closed your eyes. i stayed in the room for some time after. i felt your presence move off.
i miss you joey. so much. hope you miss me and think of me too. one day we will meet up again somewhere. remember to keep that smile on your face for me. i definitely remember how your smile was, back down here.
*hugs*your loving friend,
